Home
Laugh A Lot, It's Good For You~
 
[Most Recent Entries] [Calendar View] [Friends]

Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in murry_duck's LiveJournal:

    [ << Previous 20 ]
    Wednesday, July 15th, 2009
    12:21 am
    Home again~
    I couldn't have asked for a prettier place for my mother to rest.. in a valley surrounded by hills right by my Grandma and Grandpa Walters.. I feel like a lost little girl, wanting what I can't have. I know my mom is at last out of pain, and no longer suffering, but for me this big ache in my heart, empty space in my soul seems like it will never go away. I know time will heal it, it will get better.. And every day will dull the grief, and make the good memories sharper and clearer..but right now, the grief is like a knife in my chest, turning and turning, as if it will never stop. I look around my home, and all I see are pieces of her,things she made me, or gave me, my childrens faces. And while they make me smile, I feel the tears well up and slowly slide down my cheeks, and I wonder when they will ever stop.

    Tomorrow it will lessen, and the next day, and the next. Until one day, all I will feel is the joy of having had such a wonderful and amazing woman for a mother~

    Much love to all of you my friends, see you all soon~


    Current Mood: hopeful
    Current Music: Il Divo, Ave Maria
    Wednesday, July 8th, 2009
    1:52 am
    I just had to post this picture
    I got a copy of this picture today and I just had to post it.. It does my mother justice, I don't have many pictures of her that are big enough to really see her in them, nor do I have many pictures of her at this age..





    Wasn't she beautiful?

    Current Mood: peaceful
    Current Music: BSG Season 2
    Sunday, July 5th, 2009
    7:06 pm
    For those of you who wish to send online condolences
    My mother' service will be on Thursday July 9, at Heritage Funerel Home, 9200 South 27th Street, Oak Creek, Wisconsin viewing 2-5 luncheon afterwards at Slick Willies in South Milwaukee, online guest book Tuesday at heritagefuneral.com starting Tuesday, look for the name Mary E. Stephens, July 7. Burial Saturday, July 11, Hannibal, Missouri, where my pop's family is laid to rest.

    My Icon today show's my oldest daughter and my mama, aren't they both beautiful?

    Current Mood: sad
    Current Music: Assorted
    12:48 am
    She's Gone~
    My mama, died tonight at 6:26 pm, she went peacefullly surrounded by people who loved her...

    Current Mood: sad
    Sunday, June 28th, 2009
    9:52 pm
    Our Decision~
    Today after much discussion with my father and sister (Julie the RN and Dr Goldman) we have decided, that rather having our mom (and Pop's wife) is such excruciating pain, we would rather her have enough medication to keep her comfortable. The problem with that is this, my mother's pain, is really stemming from her brain, her brain is fooling her body into thinking it is in pain. That being the case, the amount of medication needed to control causes her to be what is called "snowed" in other words she sleeps, all day pretty much. So the sad fact is this, in order to keep her comfortable, she will stop eating, stop moving, and her body will begin to shut down. My sister Theresa is a trained CNA as am I, Julie as I mentioned is an RN, so the plan is now this; we are bringing our mother home for hospice care, we are going to keep her comfortable, we are going to try and get her to eat, and we are going to love her until the end. We don't think it will take very long, probably a matter of a couple of weeks at the most. I most likely won't be around much. But please, spare a thought for us as we travel this last road with our mama, who is still the most beautiful woman I have ever know, both inside and out. I hope her last days end easily, and peacfully, and pain free. I choose to remember as she was, not as she is now. I will see you again on the other side ~

    Much love Meggs~

    Current Mood: distressed
    Current Music: Dr.Who
    12:17 am
    A day in my life~
    Ok serious now.. Today my pop's, my sister, and I spoke to Doctor Goldman, and according to my mother's wishes made her a No Code. None of us feel good about that. Dr Bob (Come on now, I have known the man since I was 13! 33 years, and he has known mom that long too, so he knows her very well indeed) spoke very eloquently about his relationship with my mother, and pop's spoke of the many talks they (he and mom) had, had about her wish to never live on a machine, so Julie girl and I agreeing with her choice and pop's also agreeing with her choice, chose to respect her wishes and told Dr. Bob that was what she wanted and to go ahead and place the DNR on her chart. He had said that many times He and mom had spoken of families doing too much to hang onto their loved ones, who became trapped in their bodies, terrified by the breathing tubes, foley's and IV's etc. and not being able to communicate even though they were completely congnizant, and how neither of them ever wanted to live that way. The disease that is taking my mother from us scary fast, and while I don't want her to leave me just yet, I am praying that if it has to happen that, God or whoever or whatever is in control, takes her easily. Please continue to send all those good vibes and prayers for my family. We need them now more than ever.

    Love you one and all, I am off to bed, I am exhausted, and heartsick today.. See you all tomorrow~


    My mother and my pop's at my sister Julie Girls Wedding in 1989, wasn't my mama beautiful?



    Current Mood: sad
    Current Music: The Dark Knight
    Saturday, June 27th, 2009
    2:20 am
    This Reminds me of My Mama~
    Shakespeare's Sonnet's

    2
    When forty winters shall besiege thy brow,
    And dig deep trenches in thy beauty's field,
    Thy youth's proud livery so gazed on now,
    Will be a tattered weed of small worth held:
    Then being asked, where all thy beauty lies,
    Where all the treasure of thy lusty days;
    To say within thine own deep sunken eyes,
    Were an all-eating shame, and thriftless praise.
    How much more praise deserved thy beauty's use,
    If thou couldst answer 'This fair child of mine
    Shall sum my count, and make my old excuse'
    Proving his beauty by succession thine.
    This were to be new made when thou art old,
    And see thy blood warm when thou feel'st it cold

    She was so beautiful when she was young, and still is to me, she always will be beautiful to me, inside and out~

    Current Mood: yet sad
    Current Music: Saved By Stereo, Beautiful In Red
    Friday, June 26th, 2009
    11:16 pm
    My New Desktop Picture
    Today Was my granddaughter Leocadia's 3rd birthday, this is from the party, I adore this picture! I hope you like it to, it is now my desktop, I am sure at some point Aaron Douglas and Jamie Bamber will be back in rotation, but for now her sweet face is a balm to my soul, and makes my heart glad... so here she is in all her glory playing with Grandma's necklace~




    Isnt' she beautiful?

    Current Mood: yet sad
    Current Music: Joe Satriani, Crystal Planet
    Thursday, June 25th, 2009
    1:59 am
    I am on a poetry kick, more TS Eliot The Wasteland
    The Wasteland by TS Eliot

    "Nam Sibyllam quidem Cumis ego ipse oculis meis
    vidi in ampulla pendere, et cum illi pueri dicerent:
    Σίβιλλα τί θέλεις; respondebat illa: άποθανεϊν θέλω."



    For Ezra Pound
    il miglior fabbro.

    [edit] The Burial of the Dead
    April is the cruellest month, breeding
    Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing
    Memory and desire, stirring
    Dull roots with spring rain.
    Winter kept us warm, covering
    Earth in forgetful snow, feeding
    A little life with dried tubers.
    Summer surprised us, coming over the Starnbergersee
    With a shower of rain; we stopped in the colonnade,
    And went on in sunlight, into the Hofgarten,
    And drank coffee, and talked for an hour.
    Bin gar keine Russin, stamm' aus Litauen, echt deutsch.
    And when we were children, staying at the archduke's,
    My cousin's, he took me out on a sled,
    And I was frightened. He said, Marie,
    Marie, hold on tight. And down we went.
    In the mountains, there you feel free.
    I read, much of the night, and go south in the winter.
    What are the roots that clutch, what branches grow
    Out of this stony rubbish? Son of man[1],
    You cannot say, or guess, for you know only
    A heap of broken images, where the sun beats,
    And the dead tree gives no shelter, the cricket no relief,[2]
    And the dry stone no sound of water. Only
    There is shadow under this red rock,
    (Come in under the shadow of this red rock),
    And I will show you something different from either
    Your shadow at morning striding behind you
    Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;
    I will show you fear in a handful of dust.
    Frisch weht der Wind
    Der Heimat zu
    Mein Irisch Kind,
    Wo weilest du?[3]
    "You gave me hyacinths first a year ago;
    They called me the hyacinth girl."
    —Yet when we came back, late, from the Hyacinth garden,
    Your arms full, and your hair wet, I could not
    Speak, and my eyes failed, I was neither
    Living nor dead, and I knew nothing,
    Looking into the heart of light, the silence.
    Oed' und leer das Meer.[4]
    Madame Sosostris, famous clairvoyante,
    Had a bad cold, nevertheless
    Is known to be the wisest woman in Europe,
    With a wicked pack of cards[5]. Here, said she,
    Is your card, the drowned Phoenician Sailor,
    (Those are pearls that were his eyes.[6] Look!)
    Here is Belladonna, the Lady of the Rocks,
    The lady of situations.
    Here is the man with three staves, and here the Wheel,
    And here is the one-eyed merchant, and this card,
    Which is blank, is something he carries on his back,
    Which I am forbidden to see. I do not find
    The Hanged Man. Fear death by water.
    I see crowds of people, walking round in a ring.
    Thank you. If you see dear Mrs. Equitone,
    Tell her I bring the horoscope myself:
    One must be so careful these days.
    Unreal City[7],
    Under the brown fog of a winter dawn,
    A crowd flowed over London Bridge, so many,
    I had not thought death had undone so many[8].
    Sighs, short and infrequent, were exhaled[9],
    And each man fixed his eyes before his feet.
    Flowed up the hill and down King William Street,
    To where Saint Mary Woolnoth kept the hours
    With a dead sound on the final stroke of nine.[10]
    There I saw one I knew, and stopped him, crying "Stetson!
    You who were with me in the ships at Mylae!
    That corpse you planted last year in your garden,
    Has it begun to sprout? Will it bloom this year?
    Or has the sudden frost disturbed its bed?
    Oh keep the Dog far hence, that's friend to men,[11]
    Or with his nails he'll dig it up again!
    You! hypocrite lecteur!—mon semblable,—mon frère!"[12]

    [edit] A Game of Chess
    The Chair she sat in, like a burnished throne,[13]
    Glowed on the marble, where the glass
    Held up by standards wrought with fruited vines
    From which a golden Cupidon peeped out
    (Another hid his eyes behind his wing)
    Doubled the flames of sevenbranched candelabra
    Reflecting light upon the table as
    The glitter of her jewels rose to meet it,
    From satin cases poured in rich profusion;
    In vials of ivory and coloured glass
    Unstoppered, lurked her strange synthetic perfumes,
    Unguent, powdered, or liquid—troubled, confused
    And drowned the sense in odours; stirred by the air
    That freshened from the window, these ascended
    In fattening the prolonged candle-flames,
    Flung their smoke into the laquearia[14],
    Stirring the pattern on the coffered ceiling.
    Huge sea-wood fed with copper
    Burned green and orange, framed by the coloured stone,
    In which sad light a carved dolphin swam.
    Above the antique mantel was displayed
    As though a window gave upon the sylvan scene[15]
    The change of Philomel[16], by the barbarous king
    So rudely forced; yet there the nightingale[17]
    Filled all the desert with inviolable voice
    And still she cried, and still the world pursues,
    "Jug Jug" to dirty ears.
    And other withered stumps of time
    Were told upon the walls; staring forms
    Leaned out, leaning, hushing the room enclosed.
    Footsteps shuffled on the stair.
    Under the firelight, under the brush, her hair
    Spread out in fiery points
    Glowed into words, then would be savagely still.
    "My nerves are bad to-night. Yes, bad. Stay with me.
    Speak to me. Why do you never speak. Speak.
    What are you thinking of? What thinking? What?
    I never know what you are thinking. Think."
    I think we are in rats' alley[18]
    Where the dead men lost their bones.
    "What is that noise?"
    The wind under the door.[19]
    "What is that noise now? What is the wind doing?"
    Nothing again nothing.
    "Do
    You know nothing? Do you see nothing? Do you remember
    Nothing?"
    I remember
    Those are pearls that were his eyes.
    "Are you alive, or not? Is there nothing in your head?"[20]
    But
    O O O O that Shakespeherian Rag—
    It's so elegant
    So intelligent
    "What shall I do now? What shall I do?"
    I shall rush out as I am, and walk the street
    "With my hair down, so. What shall we do to-morrow?
    "What shall we ever do?"
    The hot water at ten.
    And if it rains, a closed car at four.
    And we shall play a game of chess,
    Pressing lidless eyes and waiting for a knock upon the door.[21]
    When Lil's husband got demobbed, I said—
    I didn't mince my words, I said to her myself,
    HURRY UP PLEASE ITS TIME
    Now Albert's coming back, make yourself a bit smart.
    He'll want to know what you done with that money he gave you
    To get yourself some teeth. He did, I was there.
    You have them all out, Lil, and get a nice set,
    He said, I swear, I can't bear to look at you.
    And no more can't I, I said, and think of poor Albert,
    He's been in the army four years, he wants a good time,
    And if you don't give it him, there's others will, I said.
    Oh is there, she said. Something o' that, I said.
    Then I'll know who to thank, she said, and give me a straight look.
    HURRY UP PLEASE ITS TIME
    If you don't like it you can get on with it, I said.
    Others can pick and choose if you can't.
    But if Albert makes off, it won't be for lack of telling.
    You ought to be ashamed, I said, to look so antique.
    (And her only thirty-one.)
    I can't help it, she said, pulling a long face,
    It's them pills I took, to bring it off, she said.
    (She's had five already, and nearly died of young George.)
    The chemist said it would be alright, but I've never been the same.
    You are a proper fool, I said.
    Well, if Albert won't leave you alone, there it is, I said,
    What you get married for if you don't want children?
    HURRY UP PLEASE ITS TIME
    Well, that Sunday Albert was home, they had a hot gammon,
    And they asked me in to dinner, to get the beauty of it hot—
    HURRY UP PLEASE ITS TIME
    HURRY UP PLEASE ITS TIME
    Goonight Bill. Goonight Lou. Goonight May. Goonight.
    Ta ta. Goonight. Goonight.
    Good night, ladies, good night, sweet ladies, good night, good night.

    [edit] The Fire Sermon
    The river's tent is broken: the last fingers of leaf
    Clutch and sink into the wet bank. The wind
    Crosses the brown land, unheard. The nymphs are departed.
    Sweet Thames, run softly, till I end my song.[22]
    The river bears no empty bottles, sandwich papers,
    Silk handkerchiefs, cardboard boxes, cigarette ends
    Or other testimony of summer nights. The nymphs are departed.
    And their friends, the loitering heirs of city directors;
    Departed, have left no addresses.
    By the waters of Leman I sat down and wept . . .
    Sweet Thames, run softly till I end my song,
    Sweet Thames, run softly, for I speak not loud or long.
    But at my back in a cold blast I hear
    The rattle of the bones, and chuckle spread from ear to ear.
    A rat crept softly through the vegetation
    Dragging its slimy belly on the bank
    While I was fishing in the dull canal
    On a winter evening round behind the gashouse
    Musing upon the king my brother's wreck
    And on the king my father's death before him.[23]
    White bodies naked on the low damp ground
    And bones cast in a little low dry garret,
    Rattled by the rat's foot only, year to year.
    But at my back from time to time I hear[24]
    The sound of horns and motors,[25] which shall bring
    Sweeney to Mrs. Porter in the spring.
    O the moon shone bright on Mrs. Porter[26]
    And on her daughter
    They wash their feet in soda water
    Et, O ces voix d'enfants, chantant dans la coupole![27]
    Twit twit twit
    Jug jug jug jug jug jug
    So rudely forc'd.
    Tereu
    Unreal City
    Under the brown fog of a winter noon
    Mr. Eugenides, the Smyrna merchant
    Unshaven, with a pocket full of currants[28]
    C.i.f. London: documents at sight,
    Asked me in demotic French
    To luncheon at the Cannon Street Hotel
    Followed by a weekend at the Metropole.
    At the violet hour, when the eyes and back
    Turn upward from the desk, when the human engine waits
    Like a taxi throbbing waiting,
    I Tiresias,[29] though blind, throbbing between two lives,
    Old man with wrinkled female breasts, can see
    At the violet hour, the evening hour that strives
    Homeward, and brings the sailor home from sea,[30]
    The typist home at teatime, clears her breakfast, lights
    Her stove, and lays out food in tins.
    Out of the window perilously spread
    Her drying combinations touched by the sun's last rays,
    On the divan are piled (at night her bed)
    Stockings, slippers, camisoles, and stays.
    I Tiresias, old man with wrinkled dugs
    Perceived the scene, and foretold the rest—
    I too awaited the expected guest.
    He, the young man carbuncular, arrives,
    A small house agent's clerk, with one bold stare,
    One of the low on whom assurance sits
    As a silk hat on a Bradford millionaire.
    The time is now propitious, as he guesses,
    The meal is ended, she is bored and tired,
    Endeavours to engage her in caresses
    Which still are unreproved, if undesired.
    Flushed and decided, he assaults at once;
    Exploring hands encounter no defence;
    His vanity requires no response,
    And makes a welcome of indifference.
    (And I Tiresias have foresuffered all
    Enacted on this same divan or bed;
    I who have sat by Thebes below the wall
    And walked among the lowest of the dead.)
    Bestows one final patronising kiss,
    And gropes his way, finding the stairs unlit . . .
    She turns and looks a moment in the glass,
    Hardly aware of her departed lover;
    Her brain allows one half-formed thought to pass:
    "Well now that's done: and I'm glad it's over."
    When lovely woman stoops to folly and
    Paces about her room again, alone,
    She smoothes her hair with automatic hand,
    And puts a record on the gramophone.[31]
    "This music crept by me upon the waters"[32]
    And along the Strand, up Queen Victoria Street.
    O City city, I can sometimes hear
    Beside a public bar in Lower Thames Street,
    The pleasant whining of a mandoline
    And a clatter and a chatter from within
    Where fishmen lounge at noon: where the walls
    Of Magnus Martyr hold
    Inexplicable splendour[33] of Ionian white and gold.
    The river sweats[34]
    Oil and tar
    The barges drift
    With the turning tide
    Red sails
    Wide
    To leeward, swing on the heavy spar.
    The barges wash
    Drifting logs
    Down Greenwich reach
    Past the Isle of Dogs.
    Weialala leia
    Wallala leialala
    Elizabeth and Leicester[35]
    Beating oars
    The stern was formed
    A gilded shell
    Red and gold
    The brisk swell
    Rippled both shores
    Southwest wind
    Carried down stream
    The peal of bells
    White towers
    Weialala leia
    Wallala leialala
    "Trams and dusty trees.
    Highbury bore me. Richmond and Kew
    Undid me. By Richmond I raised my knees
    Supine on the floor of a narrow canoe."[36]
    "My feet are at Moorgate, and my heart
    Under my feet. After the event
    He wept. He promised 'a new start'.
    I made no comment. What should I resent?"
    "On Margate Sands.
    I can connect
    Nothing with nothing.
    The broken fingernails of dirty hands.
    My people humble people who expect
    Nothing."
    la la
    To Carthage then I came[37]
    Burning burning burning burning[38]
    O Lord Thou pluckest me out[39]
    O Lord Thou pluckest
    burning

    [edit] Death by Water
    Phlebas the Phoenician, a fortnight dead,
    Forgot the cry of gulls, and the deep sea swell
    And the profit and loss.
    A current under sea
    Picked his bones in whispers. As he rose and fell
    He passed the stages of his age and youth
    Entering the whirlpool.
    Gentile or Jew
    O you who turn the wheel and look to windward,
    Consider Phlebas, who was once handsome and tall as you.

    [edit] What the Thunder Said[40]
    After the torchlight red on sweaty faces
    After the frosty silence in the gardens
    After the agony in stony places
    The shouting and the crying
    Prison and palace and reverberation
    Of thunder of spring over distant mountains
    He who was living is now dead
    We who were living are now dying
    With a little patience
    Here is no water but only rock
    Rock and no water and the sandy road
    The road winding above among the mountains
    Which are mountains of rock without water
    If there were water we should stop and drink
    Amongst the rock one cannot stop or think
    Sweat is dry and feet are in the sand
    If there were only water amongst the rock
    Dead mountain mouth of carious teeth that cannot spit
    Here one can neither stand nor lie nor sit
    There is not even silence in the mountains
    But dry sterile thunder without rain
    There is not even solitude in the mountains
    But red sullen faces sneer and snarl
    From doors of mudcracked houses
    If there were water
    And no rock
    If there were rock
    And also water
    And water
    A spring
    A pool among the rock
    If there were the sound of water only
    Not the cicada
    And dry grass singing
    But sound of water over a rock
    Where the hermit-thrush[41] sings in the pine trees
    Drip drop drip drop drop drop drop
    But there is no water
    Who is the third who walks always beside you?[42]
    When I count, there are only you and I together
    But when I look ahead up the white road
    There is always another one walking beside you
    Gliding wrapt in a brown mantle, hooded
    I do not know whether a man or a woman
    —But who is that on the other side of you?
    What is that sound high in the air[43]
    Murmur of maternal lamentation
    Who are those hooded hordes swarming
    Over endless plains, stumbling in cracked earth
    Ringed by the flat horizon only
    What is the city over the mountains
    Cracks and reforms and bursts in the violet air
    Falling towers
    Jerusalem Athens Alexandria
    Vienna London
    Unreal
    A woman drew her long black hair out tight
    And fiddled whisper music on those strings
    And bats with baby faces in the violet light
    Whistled, and beat their wings
    And crawled head downward down a blackened wall
    And upside down in air were towers
    Tolling reminiscent bells, that kept the hours
    And voices singing out of empty cisterns and exhausted wells.
    In this decayed hole among the mountains
    In the faint moonlight, the grass is singing
    Over the tumbled graves, about the chapel
    There is the empty chapel, only the wind's home.
    It has no windows, and the door swings,
    Dry bones can harm no one.
    Only a cock stood on the rooftree
    Co co rico co co rico
    In a flash of lightning. Then a damp gust
    Bringing rain
    Ganga was sunken, and the limp leaves
    Waited for rain, while the black clouds
    Gathered far distant, over Himavant.
    The jungle crouched, humped in silence.
    Then spoke the thunder
    DA
    Datta:[44] what have we given?
    My friend, blood shaking my heart
    The awful daring of a moment's surrender
    Which an age of prudence can never retract
    By this, and this only, we have existed
    Which is not to be found in our obituaries
    Or in memories draped by the beneficent spider[45]
    Or under seals broken by the lean solicitor
    In our empty rooms
    DA
    Dayadhvam: I have heard the key
    Turn in the door once and turn once only
    We think of the key, each in his prison[46]
    Thinking of the key, each confirms a prison
    Only at nightfall, aetherial rumours
    Revive for a moment a broken Coriolanus
    DA
    Damyata: The boat responded
    Gaily, to the hand expert with sail and oar
    The sea was calm, your heart would have responded
    Gaily, when invited, beating obedient
    To controlling hands
    I sat upon the shore
    Fishing,[47] with the arid plain behind me
    Shall I at least set my lands in order?
    London Bridge is falling down falling down falling down
    Poi s'ascose nel foco che gli affina[48]
    Quando fiam uti chelidon[49]—O swallow swallow
    Le Prince d'Aquitaine à la tour abolie[50]
    These fragments I have shored against my ruins
    Why then Ile fit you. Hieronymo's mad againe.[51]
    Datta. Dayadhvam. Damyata.
    Shantih shantih shanti

    Current Mood: contemplative
    Current Music: News
    Tuesday, June 23rd, 2009
    11:03 pm
    Poetry Corner~ (Yes again~) T. S. Eliot
    The Hollow Men
    T. S. Eliot
    Mistah Kurtz—he dead.

    A penny for the Old Guy

    I

    We are the hollow men
    We are the stuffed men
    Leaning together
    Headpiece filled with straw. Alas!
    Our dried voices, when
    We whisper together
    Are quiet and meaningless
    As wind in dry grass
    Or rats’ feet over broken glass
    In our dry cellar

    Shape without form, shade without colour,
    Paralysed force, gesture without motion;

    Those who have crossed
    With direct eyes, to death’s other Kingdom
    Remember us—if at all—not as lost
    Violent souls, but only
    As the hollow men
    The stuffed men.

    II

    Eyes I dare not meet in dreams
    In death’s dream kingdom
    These do not appear:
    There, the eyes are
    Sunlight on a broken column
    There, is a tree swinging
    And voices are
    In the wind’s singing
    More distant and more solemn
    Than a fading star.

    Let me be no nearer
    In death’s dream kingdom
    Let me also wear
    Such deliberate disguises
    Rat’s coat, crowskin, crossed staves
    In a field
    Behaving as the wind behaves
    No nearer—

    Not that final meeting
    In the twilight kingdom

    III

    This is the dead land
    This is cactus land
    Here the stone images
    Are raised, here they receive
    The supplication of a dead man’s hand
    Under the twinkle of a fading star.

    Is it like this
    In death’s other kingdom
    Waking alone
    At the hour when we are
    Trembling with tenderness
    Lips that would kiss
    Form prayers to broken stone.

    IV

    The eyes are not here
    There are no eyes here
    In this valley of dying stars
    In this hollow valley
    This broken jaw of our lost kingdoms

    In this last of meeting places
    We grope together
    And avoid speech
    Gathered on this beach of the tumid river

    Sightless, unless
    The eyes reappear
    As the perpetual star
    Multifoliate rose
    Of death’s twilight kingdom
    The hope only
    Of empty men.

    V

    Here we go round the prickly pear
    Prickly pear prickly pear
    Here we go round the prickly pear
    At five o’clock in the morning.

    Between the idea
    And the reality
    Between the motion
    And the act
    Falls the Shadow
    For Thine is the Kingdom

    Between the conception
    And the creation
    Between the emotion
    And the response
    Falls the Shadow
    Life is very long

    Between the desire
    And the spasm
    Between the potency
    And the existence
    Between the essence
    And the descent
    Falls the Shadow
    For Thine is the Kingdom

    For Thine is
    Life is
    For Thine is the

    This is the way the world ends
    This is the way the world ends
    This is the way the world ends
    Not with a bang but a whimper.

    Current Mood: contemplative
    Current Music: Joe Satriani, Crystal Planet
    Sunday, June 21st, 2009
    10:37 pm
    More Poetry~
    After the Rain

    I look out on my patio after a soft rain.
    The birds won't stop singing.
    The geraniums are an impossible pink.
    I want to swallow them, whole.

    Every flower has a shine,
    like a woman who has just been loved.
    Her body glistens. She struts when she walks,
    has time to be generous,
    to spread that glow around a little.

    Penelope Barnes Thompson, from Deconstructing the Nest and Other Poems. © Shoreline Press.

    Current Mood: melancholy
    Current Music: FNC
    9:41 am
    Thinking about all the Father's in My Life
    Both here and gone~

    To those still here, I hope you have a wonderful day, to those gone, I miss you so very much. I love you still and always~

    Current Mood: melancholy
    Current Music: Scotland The Brave
    Friday, June 19th, 2009
    10:49 pm
    Saw This Posted Elsewhere and Had to Post It~
    "The Almanac of Last Things"

    From the almanac of last things
    I choose the spider lily
    for the grace of its brief
    blossom, though I myself
    fear brevity,

    but I choose The Song of Songs
    because the flesh
    of those pomegranates
    has survived
    all the frost of dogma.

    I choose January with its chill
    lessons of patience and despair--and
    August, too sun-struck for lessons.
    I choose a thimbleful of red wine
    to make my heart race,

    then another to help me
    sleep. From the almanac
    of last things I choose you,
    as I have done before.
    And I choose evening

    because the light clinging
    to the window
    is at its most reflective
    just as it is ready
    to go out.

    by Linda Pastan, from Carnival Evening: New and Selected Poems 1968-1998 (W.W. Norton).

    Current Mood: sad
    Current Music: None
    Tuesday, June 16th, 2009
    12:39 am
    Desktop Meme - Ganked from Kittenbiscuits~
    Rules:
    1. Once you've seen this, you're supposed to post your current wallpaper to your LJ
    2. Explain why you are using this wallpaper, in 5 sentences.
    3. Don't change your wallpaper before you do this, the point is to see what you had.





    Umm because I love this scene, and because I love both Jamie's arm's and Aaron's arms in this scene? And because Apollo is screaming at Chief, "What did you do?" when the Temple didn't blow up and didn't destroy the roadmark to earth, not knowing that the Super Nova itself was the road marker to earth~

    Current Mood: sad
    Current Music: Greta on FNC
    Monday, June 1st, 2009
    3:14 am
    Ellii's First Formal, Friday May, 29, 2009
    Elli before the Dance



    Elli and Grandma aka Fanny Farmer




    Ellii's first Updo!


    Ellii and her friend Sydney waiting to leave for the dance~





    Arriving at the dance~





    One More of Ellii and Fanny Farmer, a little sad, but you can see the love in their faces~






    She had a lovely time, her feet still hurt from dancing, my baby is growing up. *sniff sniff* Time to learn to let go, and let her fly free~

    Current Mood: happy
    Current Music: Melissa Etheridge, I Wanna Be In Love
    Saturday, May 30th, 2009
    11:43 am
    Leoben Cony and I agree On This Quote
    "What is the most basic article of faith? This is not all that we are. See, the difference between you and me is I know what that means and you don't. I'm more than this body, more than this..."

    Current Mood: contemplative
    Current Music: nada,zip,nothing
    Friday, May 29th, 2009
    12:46 pm
    My Baby Is Growing Up
    Tonight is Ellii AKA Mary aka Missie's first formal dance. I am picking her up at 2 pm for her hair appointment. She is getting an "updo" her dress is blue, white, and has silver/white beading with a corset tying back and halter neckline, jewelry is all silver as are her heels, and clutch purse. I can't wait to see how she looks. I am so glad my mama is here to see this. We plan on taking her up to Lifecare to take pictures with Fanny Farmer (that's what my kids call grandma, either that or grams, never granny) I am really excited, and yet a little sad all at the same time..

    I promise to post pictures for all of you too..

    You know the sad comes from missing this with my oldest right? *shrug* I am not going to let that ruin this for me! Not no how, not no way!!!!!!!!!!!111

    Current Mood: excited
    Current Music: Melissa Etheridge, I Wanna Be In Love
    Thursday, May 21st, 2009
    2:41 pm
    Relevant to nothing, just because I liked it:
    Saw this posted elsewhere, and found it beautiful~


    Memory at its finest lacks corroboration
    —no photographs, no diaries—
    nothing to pin the past on the present with, to make it stick.
    Just because you've got this idea
    of red fields stretching along the tertiary roads
    of Saskatchewan, like blazing, contained fires —
    just because somewhere in your memory
    there's a rust-coloured pulse
    taking its place among canola yellow
    and flax fields the huddled blue of morning azures—
    just because you want to
    doesn't mean you can
    build a home for that old, peculiar ghost.

    Someone tells you you've imagined it,
    that gash across the ripe belly of summer,
    and for a year, maybe two, you believe them.
    Maybe you did invent it, maybe as you leaned,
    to escape the heat, out the Pontiac's backseat window
    you just remembered it that way
    because you preferred the better version.

    Someone tells you this.
    But what can they know of faith?
    To ask you to leave behind this insignificance.
    This innocence that can't be proved: what the child saw
    of the fields as she passed by, expecting nothing.

    You have to go there while there's still time.
    Back to the red flag of that field, blazing in the wind.
    While you're still young enough to remember
    a flame planted along a road. While you're still
    seeing more than there is to see.


    "Durum wheat" by Lisa Martin-Demoor, from One Crow Sorrow. © Brindle & Glass, 2008.

    Current Mood: calm
    Current Music: News
    Wednesday, May 20th, 2009
    12:48 am
    The Beach Boys, Kokomo
    After that last song I wanted to end on an upbeat and happy note so without further ado-

    The Beach Boys- Kokomo

    Aruba, Jamaica ooo I wanna take ya
    Bermuda, Bahama come on pretty mama
    Key Largo, Montego baby why don't we go

    Jamaica off the Florida Keys
    There's a place called Kokomo
    That's where you wanna go to get away from it all

    Bodies in the sand
    Tropical drink melting in your hand
    We'll be falling in love
    To the rhythm of a steel drum band
    Down in Kokomo

    Aruba, Jamaica ooo I wanna take you
    To Bermuda, Bahama come on pretty mama
    Key Largo, Montego baby why don't we go
    Down to Kokomo
    We'll get there fast
    And then we'll take it slow
    That's where we wanna go
    Way down to Kokomo

    To Martinique, that Monserrat mystique

    We'll put out to sea
    And we'll perfect our chemistry
    By and by we'll defy a little bit of gravity

    Afternoon delight
    cocktails and moonlit nights
    That dreamy look in your eye
    Give me a tropical contact high
    Way down in Kokomo

    Aruba, Jamaica ooo I wanna take you
    To Bermuda, Bahama come on pretty mama
    Key Largo, Montego baby why don't we go
    Down to Kokomo
    We'll get there fast
    And then we'll take it slow
    That's where we wanna go
    Way down to Kokomo

    Port Au Prince I wanna catch a glimpse

    Everybody knows
    A little place like Kokomo
    Now if you wanna go
    And get away from it all
    Go down to Kokomo

    Aruba, Jamaica ooo I wanna take you
    To Bermuda, Bahama come on pretty mama
    Key Largo, Montego baby why don't we go
    Down to Kokomo
    We'll get there fast
    And then we'll take it slow
    That's where we wanna go
    Way down to Kokomo

    Aruba, Jamaica ooo I wanna take you
    To Bermuda, Bahama come on pretty mama
    Key Largo, Montego baby why don't we go
    Down to Kokomo
    We'll get there fast
    And then we'll take it slow
    That's where we wanna go
    Way down to Kokomo

    Aruba, Jamaica ooo I wanna take you
    To Bermuda, Bahama come on pretty mama
    Key Largo, Montego baby why don't we go
    Down to Kokomo
    We'll get there fast and then we'll take
    it slow That's where we wanna go
    Way down to Kokomo



    Current Mood: happy
    Current Music: Various!
    12:21 am
    Barry McGuire- The Eve of Destruction
    I am feeling very nostalgic tonight, and this song reminds me of my Aunt Katie, whom I still love and adore to distraction, we sang it together at a concert one summer. So here it is~


    Barry McGuire: "Eve of Destruction"

    The eastern world, it is exploding
    Violence flarin', bullets loadin'
    You're old enough to kill, but not for votin'
    You don't believe in war, but what's that gun you're totin'
    And even the Jordan River has bodies floatin'

    But you tell me
    Over and over and over again, my friend
    Ah, you don't believe
    We're on the eve
    of destruction.

    Don't you understand what I'm tryin' to say
    Can't you feel the fears I'm feelin' today?
    If the button is pushed, there's no runnin' away
    There'll be no one to save, with the world in a grave
    [Take a look around ya boy, it's bound to scare ya boy]

    And you tell me
    Over and over and over again, my friend
    Ah, you don't believe
    We're on the eve
    of destruction.

    Yeah, my blood's so mad feels like coagulatin'
    I'm sitting here just contemplatin'
    I can't twist the truth, it knows no regulation.
    Handful of senators don't pass legislation
    And marches alone can't bring integration
    When human respect is disintegratin'
    This whole crazy world is just too frustratin'

    And you tell me
    Over and over and over again, my friend
    Ah, you don't believe
    We're on the eve
    of destruction.

    Think of all the hate there is in Red China
    Then take a look around to Selma, Alabama
    You may leave here for 4 days in space
    But when you return, it's the same old place
    The poundin' of the drums, the pride and disgrace
    You can bury your dead, but don't leave a trace
    Hate your next-door neighbor, but don't forget to say grace
    And... tell me over and over and over and over again, my friend
    You don't believe
    We're on the eve
    Of destruction
    Ah, no no, you don't believe
    We're on the eve
    of destruction.





    Current Mood: calm
    Current Music: Billy McGuire
[ << Previous 20 ]
Asperger's and Autism   About LiveJournal.com

Advertisement